


It Was For The Job, Tooru

by Chrystie, kate882



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 18:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8458903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrystie/pseuds/Chrystie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate882/pseuds/kate882
Summary: “You know, when we were dancing, I was considering the idea of finally making good on all of this flirting and fucking after the job. Then you went and shot me and ruined the whole mood,” Oikawa told him with a dramatic sigh as he got out of the car. “Wha-Tooru!” Kuroo stumbled over himself as he ran over to Oikawa’s side. “It was a job! I didn’t know he was your friend!”





	

“Mind if I have this dance? I don’t often find someone tall enough to lead.” Oikawa grinned, stepping in front of Kuroo. 

Kuroo managed to school his features before he could look too upset at losing sight of his target because of a too familiar face. “Don’t we see each other often enough as it is?” Kuroo cocked an eyebrow.

“Oh, c’mon, Tetsu-chan. You’re not gonna reject me in front of all these people, are you?” Oikawa smiled sweetly at him.

“I could,” Kuroo grinned, “Doesn’t Iwaizumi-san always say you could use a few hits to the ego?”

“Ah, but I could cause a scene. People are already looking at us. We’re the only two people on the dance floor not dancing.”

Kuroo tried not to frown, it would give Oikawa too much, nevertheless, he took Oikawa’s hand and placed his other on Oikawa’s waist. “You know, always being the center of attention isn’t always good for you. Especially not with your line of work.”

“I can’t help it. I’m hot. People notice. But people wouldn’t have been looking so much if you had just danced with me when I asked,” he replied, wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s shoulders.

“Hot, but also in the way,” Kuroo corrected, “And people refuse to dance all the time. What are you doing here, Tooru? It’s not to  _ just _ be in the way, is it?”

“It is actually.” Oikawa flashed a bright smile at him. “Keiji-chan hired me to keep him safe. It just helps that I recognized you.”

“Oh. How great,” Kuroo said dryly. “I guess that means we’re gonna be seeing each other on even more  _ great _ terms for the next little while.”

“How many dances do you think I can get out of you?” Oikawa batted his eyelashes at Kuroo.

Kuroo looked at Oikawa consideringly, “Depends. How good are you at keeping me distracted?”

Oikawa smirked up at him. “I’m willing to do a lot for a job. Especially when the person I’m distracting is nice to look at.”

“I know I don’t have to tell you how hot you are,” Kuroo chuckled, “Doesn’t mean you can keep me from killing that guy forever.”

“I don’t need to. Just until he has his meeting tonight. Once the deal is sealed you’ve already lost.”

“True. That only depends on if you can actually keep an eye on me. I’ve lost you before, Tooru.”

“You’re in my arms right now though.” Oikawa reminded him, pushing their bodies closer together to emphasize his point.

Kuroo hummed in appreciation at that, “Yeah, and that  _ is _ pretty nice.” Kuroo maneuvered them onto a more crowded area on the dance floor, “But I do have a job to do,” Kuroo sighed playfully. He twirled Oikawa and in an instant, he was gone.

Oikawa cursed and glanced around, spotting Akaashi at the snack area, he immediately joined him, attaching himself to Akaashi’s side, throwing an arm around him for good measure.

Akaashi was only momentarily startled before his features drew back to neutral. “Is everything alright, Oikawa-san?”

“You were right to be worried. I just saw Tetsu-chan, but he disappeared in the crowd. There are too many people here to try something though, so stay close to me and you should be fine. He’s probably not going to make a move until we leave for your meeting.”

“I see. Well I’m not too worried. I have faith in your abilities,” Akaashi smiled up at him.

Oikawa smiled back. “As well you should. I’ll make sure to get you through the night as long as you make sure you get this deal.”

“Yes, I intend to. If you intend to guard like this, that does mean you’ll have to do it for another half an hour or so. I hope you’re alright with that.”

“Fine by me. We can dance some to pass the time if you’d like.” He offered, holding out his hand.

Akaashi looked the slightest bit sheepish with an embarrassed smile, “I’m afraid I won’t be that great of a dance partner.”

“I’m sure my toes can handle you stepping on them a few times.” He replied, keeping his hand held out.

“I’m inclined to disagree,” but Akaashi still took Oikawa’s hand nonetheless.

Oikawa grinned and lead him out onto the dance floor, not even wincing when Akaashi stepped on him and simply continuing to smoothly lead the dance.

“Oikawa-san, are you sure this doesn’t bug you?” Akaashi asked after the fourth time he accidentally stepped on Oikawa’s foot.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He answered absentmindedly, having spotted Kuroo and diverted most of his attention to keeping track of him.

Akaashi silently nodded, noticing that Oikawa had reverted into work mode, and put more of his conscious effort into not stepping on him.

Kuroo, on the other hand, watched them both from the second floor with a sigh. He always found it a mix of frustrating and thrilling competing with Oikawa and this time was no different. The fact that Oikawa was stuck to Akaashi like glue was almost like a challenge that Kuroo was still trying to find a way around.

Oikawa made eye contact with Kuroo and winked at him before drifting towards the other side of the dance floor with Akaashi, making sure to keep aware of what Kuroo was doing. Kuroo could only scoff and smirk at Oikawa’s attempts at foiling him, as if Kuroo could do much in the crowded dance hall. He was simply keeping an eye on them until they had to move to sign the contract.

“Alright, it’s time to get you to your meeting. He’s watching us though. The one upstairs with the messy black hair, red tie.” Oikawa said, moving them towards the exit of the ballroom. The meeting was in a room just down the hall, so they just needed to get there and have Akaashi sign the contract.

“I see. He doesn’t look like he does too well with blending in, although you do seem particularly bad at that as well,” Akaashi commented as he glanced up at his supposed killer.

“You’d be surprised.” Oikawa replied, one hand on Akashi’s back to guide him and the other on the weapon hidden under his jacket.

They got to the room before the other businessmen arrived, by which time, Kuroo had already been waiting for them in the least notable corner of the room. He silently aimed his gun at Akaashi’s head, but Oikawa stepped in front of Akaashi to block the shot as soon as he saw Kuroo, pulling out his own weapon. “I don’t wanna ruin a pretty face like yours, Tetsu-chan, but I will shoot.”  

Akaashi looked between them, his rigid posture and the tightness of his jawline the only thing giving away any emotion he might feel. While it wasn’t quite in his nature to hide, he knew this was what he’d brought Oikawa in for, and that he wasn’t really a match in a gunfight, so he stayed behind Oikawa.

“I could say the same to you, Tooru, and we both know how much you like your face,” Kuroo returned, not an inkling of shock or surprise in his voice at having been found.

“I think you should just let this one go. The other businessmen are going to be here any minute now.”

“Aww c’mon Tooru, you don’t expect me to leave without getting in at least one shot, do you?”

“You’ll have to go through me.”

“Yeah, I figured I would. A shame, really.” Kuroo slowly circled the room, his gun staying poised and pointed at Oikawa as Oikawa followed his every movement, keeping Akaashi behind him the entire time.

Oikawa had just enough time to register the movement of Kuroo’s finger on the trigger and move himself and Akaashi to avoid fatal wounds before he felt pain take over his arm. He grit his teeth, firing back towards Kuroo, still managing to keep himself firmly between Kuroo and Akaashi.

Kuroo managed to avoid and dodge all the bullets Oikawa fired at him, many of them simply missing Kuroo due to Oikawa’s lack of aim in his current state. Despite that though, Oikawa still left no openings, keeping Akaashi completely shielded.

“That the best you’ve got?” Oikawa challenged, despite the blood running down his arm at a rather alarming rate.

“Can’t hurt you too badly. Who else is gonna keep me entertained if you’re gone?” Kuroo smirked.

Akaashi, who had started looking for a way to safely get himself and Oikawa out when Oikawa got a bullet lodged into his arm, saw the other businessmen approach the room. “Oikawa-san, I don’t want to alarm you in any way, but the men are coming.”

“They’re what?!” Kuroo and Oikawa shouted in unison.

“You lose, Tetsu-chan. Unless you wanna try to keep firing in front of them. They won’t be in any state to make future deals with your client if they’re dead.” He gave him a wide grin, despite the pain he was feeling.

“Ah god dammit!” Kuroo groaned. He flicked on the safety for his gun and tossed it at Oikawa, grabbing him away from Akaashi in the one flustered moment he had, trying to not get hit in the face by it. “C’mon, let’s go get that bullet out of you,” Kuroo sighed.

“I don’t want your help! You’re the one that did this to me!” Oikawa protested as he was dragged, getting odd looks from the businessmen passing them to meet Akaashi.

“We were working! You’ve gotten me with a few bullets before too.”

“That doesn’t mean I want your help now that the job is over. I’m Keiji-chan’s ride home.” Maybe he was losing more blood than he thought. That shouldn’t be a priority at all. He was leaving behind a trail, but the carpet was red, so it wasn’t super obvious at first glance.

“Tooru, you aren’t even in the condition to be driving. You could end up killing yourself and your ridiculously rich friend. Just accept the help before you pass out from blood loss.” Kuroo shouldn’t have found it amusing how stubborn Oikawa could be, especially not after just failing to do his job and being the one to hurt Oikawa in the first place, but he was just so entertaining.

“Just call Iwa-chan. He’ll take care of me. I’m still mad that you shot me trying to shoot Keiji-chan.” Oikawa whined, but he wasn’t really putting up a fight by the time they reached the elevator to leave.

“Job, Tooru, job. You telling me you wouldn’t try and off my friend too if you were offered a shit ton of money for it. I didn’t even know you knew him personally.”

“I like Kou-chan, so I'm going to say I am telling you that.”

“Again, I didn’t know he was your friend. Also, Bokuto is in the job. And you totally have tried to shoot him.”

Oikawa decided to let it go as they got into the elevator and it started moving down. “Where are we going?”

“The doctor,” Kuroo answered simply.

“Why are you taking me there?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“To surgically insert boobs into you, obviously,” Kuroo sarcastically drawled.

“You haven't even seen me cross dressing yet. You don't know if you'll like that. No, I mean, why are you helping me.”

“A shit ton of years of flirting and pointing guns at each other sounds like some pretty healthy competition in my books,” Kuroo grinned, “Maybe it’s weird to you, but I don’t actually want you to die. You’re too fun to keep around. And for the record, I would definitely be into you cross dressing.”

“You just shot me. You aren't getting rewarded with cross dressing.” Oikawa said dryly. “How are we planning to get across the lobby?” He added as he noticed they were almost there.

Kuroo shrugged, “Walking fast enough and grabbing my jacket by the door before anyone notices?”

“You’re an idiot. But I’m bleeding, so I can’t be picky, I guess.” Oikawa sighed and let himself be half dragged across the room and outside. “You sure I can’t just drive myself? I don’t want to leave my car here.”

“Why are you so intent on dying today?” Kuroo’s voice had an amused tone to it as he lead Oikawa towards his own car.

“If I die I'm haunting you.” Oikawa informed him.

“Will you still be just as hot as a ghost? ‘Cause if you are, then I don't think I’ll mind too much.” Kuroo pushed Oikawa into the passenger seat of the car and buckled him in for good measure before getting into the driver's seat.

“I'm always hot. Even when I'm dead. I refuse to die from a bullet to the fucking arm though, so unless you're a shit driver you won't get to find out.”

“I’ll try not to crash into a tree like I do every time I get into a car tonight then, just for you,” Kuroo rolled his eyes. They continued to bicker and flirt back and forth for the duration of the entire car ride until they reached the hospital. Or, well, as close to a hospital as it got for people in their profession.

“You know, when we were dancing, I was considering the idea of finally making good on all of this flirting and fucking after the job. Then you went and shot me and ruined the whole mood.” Oikawa told him with a dramatic sigh as he got out of the car.

“Wha-Tooru!” Kuroo stumbled over himself as he ran over to Oikawa’s side. “It was a job! I didn’t know he was your friend!”

“Well I’m not fucking you with a bullet in my arm regardless. Certainly not one that you put there. So no ‘it was a job’ defense on that.” Oikawa replied, walking through the doors. He could practically see some of Tsukishima’s soul die when he saw the two of them walking into his makeshift hospital.

“Okay but like, after?” Kuroo looked hopeful even though he already knew what Oikawa’s answer was going to be.

“Sorry, no, getting shot kinda killed the mood.” Oikawa said as Tsukishima walked over.

“You’re bleeding all over my floor. Flirt later.” He said briskly before dragging Oikawa off.

Kuroo sighed and whipped out Oikawa’s phone, which he’d managed to swipe off him while he was helping him. He texted Iwaizumi, telling him where Oikawa was and left the phone on one of Tsukishima’s desks. “I texted Iwaizumi for you, guess I gotta try and get into your pants another night,” he called out to Oikawa before briskly leaving. He had an angry business man he needed to talk to about who wasn’t dead.

* * *

When Kuroo stepped into his hospital room the first reaction Oikawa had was to throw the nearest thing he could find at him. Which happened to be a vase of flowers that Terushima had stolen from another room when he stopped by.

Kuroo ducked before they could hit his face with a quiet chuckle. “ That’s not very nice. I even brought you a present,” he held up the large teddy bear he’d brought with him as a peace offering.

“...it’s cute. I’m still mad though. I feel like you owe me the courtesy of having let that hit you.”

“Maybe,” Kuroo shrugged, “But I kinda like my face, and I know you quite like it too.”

“I like it less than usual right now. Tsukki cut my pain meds in half cause I annoyed him.” The downside to not going to a real doctor was that he didn’t have to follow actual rules.

“Will hugging the bear make you feel a little better?”

“I could only use one arm to do it.”

“Still hugging it though.” Kuroo placed the bear on Oikawa’s lap for him with a grin.

“Iwa-chan says he’s gonna punch you next time he sees you for making him deal with an injured me.”

“Yeah, I figured he’d want to,” Kuroo smiled wryly.

Oikawa did end up hugging the bear. “He likes you though, so I’m sure he won’t break anything.”

“That...” Kuroo paused for a moment, looking thoughtful, “I was gonna be sarcastic about it, but that actually does kinda make me feel better.”

“It should. Iwa-chan doesn’t respect the don’t hit the face rule. If he didn’t like you he’d probably break your nose.”

Kuroo grimaced at that, “I’m pretty sure he’d break more than that, but good to know. Before he gets here to put a couple of bruises on me though, I came to check how you were doing. Need anything? Water? Food? A blow job?”

“If Tsukki catches you giving me a blow job he will cut me off of medicine entirely. So I’m gonna say no.”

“Tsukki’s a spoil sport.”

“A spoil sport with access to drugs.”

“Fine,” Kuroo sighed, “My offer to get food and water’s still there though.”

“I’ve been craving Thai food all day. I think there’s a takeout place nearby.”

“Done and done. I’ll be back before Iwaizumi gets here to rip me a new one.” Kuroo turned on his heel and strolled out of the makeshift hospital.

“He’s not coming today! He’s got a job, so your face is safe!” Oikawa called after him.

“Looks like you get to enjoy it for another day then!” Kuroo called back.

* * *

“Hey, hey, hey! Oikawa, I heard you got shot!”

“I see you found a friend while you were getting food.” Oikawa said, glancing between Bokuto and Kuroo. Kuroo did appear to be holding take out though, so he didn’t mind.

“He was close by and wanted come see you,” Kuroo shrugged, placing the food down on Oikawa’s food tray.

“How are you doing?” Bokuto asked.

“I’d be better if I wasn’t shot by your best friend.”

Bokuto shrugged. “It was work.”

“See!” Kuroo pointed at Bokuto, “He gets it!”

“Who gets what?” Akaashi asked from behind Kuroo, holding a bag of milk bread.

“Bro. . .” Bokuto put his hand on Kuroo’s arm when he turned and saw Akaashi, looking like the breath had been knocked right out of him.

“Keiji-chan! Finally, good company.” Oikawa said when he spotted the milkbread.

Kuroo looked between Bokuto and Akaashi with a far too amused grin. “I think you broke him; more than usual, I mean.”

Akaashi flushed slightly at Bokuto’s mystified stare, and covered it up with an embarrassed cough, walking around both Kuroo and Bokuto to hand Oikawa the milk bread.

“Keiji-chan, you’re an angel.” Oikawa said, taking the milkbread. “Wanna share some Thai food with us?”

“He can have mine!” Bokuto blurted out.

Kuroo burst into a fit of laughter. Bokuto never had any concept of preservation and it amused Kuroo every time.

“Oh, I ate not too long ago, so it’s fine.” Akaashi was doing his best to avoid everyone’s eyes in the room, knowing he’d either be confronted with an amused smirk or a too excited yet oddly attractive grin.

“Do you want my number then?” Bokuto offered.

“Do you even know his name yet?” Oikawa asked Bokuto.

Bokuto’s eyes widened. “No.” He turned to Akaashi. “And can I have your name?”

Akaashi schooled his features as best he could, ignoring the redness of his cheeks and tried to sound as calm as he could, “Akaashi Keiji, it’s nice to meet you...” he trailed off, hoping to get a name as well.

“Bokuto Koutarou.” Bokuto grinned at him and held out his hand to shake.

Akashi returned the smile and shook Bokuto’s hand.

“Aww look, Tooru, they’re holding hands.” Kuroo cooed, and this time it was Bokuto who found himself blushing.

“Maybe we should work on the details of our first date without an audience,” Akaashi suggested, letting go of Bokuto’s hand.

Bokuto’s whole face lit up and he nodded vigorously in agreement.

“They’re so cute.” Oikawa grinned at Kuroo before he started to eat his food.  

“They’re also fast. They’re already ahead of us,” Kuroo laughed.

“Keiji-chan is a businessman. He knows how to go after what he wants. And I suppose that’s Kou-chan right now.” Oikawa winked at them. “He’s also not working against Kou-chan, so I supposed that helps in moving them ahead of us.”

“I think you guys just like teasing each other too much.” Bokuto chimed in, even though he was still looking at Akaashi like he moved the stars or something.

“That too,” Kuroo agreed, “It’s just so fun.”

“In my defense, I considered ending the teasing. And then he went and shot me.”

“You’re never gonna stop holding that against me, are you?”

“Well no, because I was kinda looking forward to finding out if you were any good in bed and instead I got a bullet in my arm and a blood stained suit.”

Kuroo leaned his face close to Oikawa’s despite his eating. “You could still find out. I’ll help nurse you back to health.”

“Dude, I’m trying to eat. Get out of my face.” Oikawa used the ends of his chopsticks to poke Kuroo’s face in an attempt to push him back. Kuroo pouted and whined as he was pushed away.

“Can you believe they haven’t even kissed yet?” Bokuto asked Akaashi.

“I think it’s due to the exact reasons that we just saw,” Akaashi chuckled.

“Hey! This is the first time I’ve shot him! And I’ve been trying for a kiss!”

“First time you’ve hit me with a shot, I think you mean. And that’s if we aren’t counting that time you grazed my leg the first time we met.” Oikawa countered.

“I think it’s just cause Oikawa likes to torture him.” Bokuto continued as if the two of them hadn’t interrupted.

“We work against each other and with guns!” Kuroo felt the need to point out that very important fact.

“I think you might be right.” Akaashi knew Oikawa well enough to know that he’d find it entirely too entertaining not to. It really was entertaining though.

“Didn’t Oikawa stab you that one time?” Bokuto had to try to help his best friend at least a little bit.

“Yeah,” Kuroo brightened up, “yeah he did. And I was understanding enough to forget about it after a few days.”

“Because I said I’d let you touch my ass if you stopped complaining about it.” Oikawa reminded him.

“Yeah,” Kuroo sighed, “that was nice.” He looked down at Oikawa with a hopeful glint in his eyes, “There anything like that I can offer?”

“I feel like I’d just be rewarding you for shooting me.”

“But you’d also be rewarding yourself.”

“I’m just gonna reward myself with this food instead.”

Kuroo deflated with a groan. “Bo, give me some of your romance luck.”

“I can’t, bro. I need it.” He looked at Akaashi with starry eyes again. “I’ve still gotta woo Akaashi on our first date.”

“At least you got the date,” Kuroo muttered. If Kuroo were any more of a fuckboi, he probably would have glared at Oikawa too for being difficult.

“I have a feeling it won’t be all that hard for you to impress, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi added quietly.

Bokuto stared at him for a moment before turning to Oikawa. “Don’t take this the wrong way: but I’m really glad you got shot.”

“I’m not sure how to take that the right way.”

“Cause, like, if you didn’t I wouldn’t have met your pretty friend, who you have been holding out on me by not informing me of his existence.” Bokuto explained.  

“Sure would’ve been nice knowing Akaashi before everything happened. I could’ve saved on ammo, effort, and avoided an annoyingly angry business man.” Akaashi’s business rival had not been happy to find out that the contract had been signed and, above all else, that Akaashi was alive. Kuroo always hated the part of his job that required listening to rich stiffs complain or brag.

Akashi raised an eyebrow. “Would it have mattered if you knew me? You seem to know Oikawa-san quite well, but you were still perfectly willing to shoot him.”

“Well I was trying to shoot you. He kinda just got in the way.”

“I was already in the way when you started shooting. You were for sure shooting me. You also didn’t answer his question.”

“Well I wasn’t trying to  _ kill you, _ ” Kuroo muttered, “Amazingly enough, it is actually harder to want to kill someone you already know.”

“I disagree.” Oikawa said with That Look™ that meant he was thinking of Ushijima.

“Personal grudges don’t count.”

“Why not? I still know people I hold grudges against.”

Kuroo  sighed, “You know what I meant, Tooru. I wouldn’t have agreed to kill Akaashi if I’d known before.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, and tell you next time I’m hired by a friend then.”

“Thank you,” Kuroo huffed, “Besides,” he gestured towards Bokuto, “Look at how happy he is. You could’ve made this happen sooner.”

“Why would I introduce my friends who aren’t in this business to you?” Oikawa protested.

“Why not?” Kuroo grinned.

“Well, you kill people for a living to start with, and more importantly: you’re embarrassing.”

“So are you! I saw you with a personalized alien gun holster!” Kuroo countered.

“Excuse you! That was cool! You have to leave if you’re gonna make fun of my holster.”

Kuroo put his hands up in defense, “Fine, it was cute. Dorky, but cute. Still means you're embarrassing though.”

“Well I wouldn't bring a gun holster to meet your friends.” Oikawa rolled his eyes.

“Great. Then would you be up to meeting a few of them over dinner after you get out of here?” Kuroo asked with a waggle of his brows.

“I don't know. That thing you're doing with your eyebrows makes me want to say no. . .”

“What? I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't like.”

“Keiji-chan, he's making me uncomfortable.”

“Wah?! Tooru!” Kuroo squawked in offense.

“I feel like I'm being propositioned, but I don't know what for! That feels weird. Keiji-chan, help!”

“Fine, fine. How about an actual dinner though? You could meet Kenma.”

“You said Kenma wouldn't like me because I'm loud.”

“Yeah, but he might like you a bit if you brought some ice cream.” Kenma was easily bribed and Kuroo usually used that to his full advantage.

“You really want a first date with other people around?”

Kuroo shrugged, “Anything that gets you to say yes works for me.”

“Oikawa-san, I know you like him. Take at least a little pity on the guy.” Akaashi chimed in.

“Yeah Oikawa-san,” Kuroo tried his best to pout without laughing.

Oikawa made a face. “It's weird hearing you call me that.”

Kuroo’s attempt at a pout turned into a smirk as he inched his face closer to Oikawa’s, “I’ll stop if you say yes,  _ Oikawa-san. _ ”

“I feel harassed.” Oikawa leaned away as best he could in a bed. “I'll say yes if you promise not to shoot me again.”

“Can it be a promise to  _ try _ to not shoot you again?” He doubted he’d ever need to again, but in their line of work, it was a possibility. Accidents could also happen from time to time.

Oikawa considered it for a moment before nodding. 

Bokuto let out a cheer of victory, patting Kuroo on the back in congratulations as Kuroo held his arms up with a triumphant cheer.

Tsukishima poked his head in to scowl at all of them. “There are people dying around here, and I'm trying to prevent that. Shut up.” He said before exiting again.

“Nice to see you too, Tsukki!” Kuroo called back. He was too happy to let even dying people ruin his mood. “So,” he turned back to Oikawa, “Do you really want Kenma there?”

“I don’t think I ever insinuated that I wanted Kenma there. I don’t make people third wheel my dates. That makes it harder to have sex.”

“Sweet! Then let’s make the first date at my place. In my bed.”

“No way, you shot me. You owe me dinner, at least.”

“Then I’ll cook. Expect something really easy and simple.”

“No, I don’t trust your cooking. You’re buying me food.”

Kuroo frowned, but refused to be discouraged. “Fine fine. We’ll go to whatever restaurant you want, then back to my place or yours, whichever is closer. And my cookings wonderfully average and edible.”

“That’s terrible advertising. I’m never letting you cook for me.”

“You burn everything, Oikawa-san,” Akaashi piped up.

“I didn’t offer to cook him anything.” Oikawa countered.

“Yes, but you really aren’t in the position to criticize one’s cooking.”

“Yeah, Tooru,” Kuroo chuckled, “I was trying to be romantic and everything too.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You were trying to get easier access to sex.”

“Yes. Yes I was” Kuroo replied, unashamed, “But it’s still a romantic offer… most of the time.”

Tsukishima walked in again, looking ready to kick them all out. “You know what else is romantic? Not staying past visiting hours.” 

“You don’t have visiting hours.” Oikawa frowned.

“I do when the visitors are annoying.” He looked pointedly between Bokuto and Kuroo.

“Tsukki! That’s so mean!” Bokuto pouted at him.

“Tsukki,” Kuroo placed an arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders, ignoring everything he had just said, “Don’t you think it sounds romantic when someone offers to cook for you?”

“Not if that someone is you. What part of visiting hours are over was unclear?”

Kuroo put a hand to his heart, feigning hurt, “Rude as fuck, Tsukki.”

“Rules are rules.” He helpfully pointed towards the exit.

Kuroo held Tsukishima closer, his arm around him like a chokehold, and roughly messed up his hair, “Aren’t you just a party pooper.”

“I’m letting you die next time you come in here.” Tsukishima shot Bokuto a death glare that had him hiding behind Akaashi when he took a step forward like he wanted to join Kuroo in harassing him.

“And I thought you loved me too much for that,” Kuroo sighed.

“If I did your chokehold would have ruined it.”

“Chokehold full of affection.” Kuroo let go of Tsukishima with a playful grin.

“Direct your affection at someone else. Like Oikawa.”

“Leave me out of this. I want to live next time I come here.” Oikawa chimed in.

“Well that’s what I was doing until  _ someone _ tried to kick me out.”

“I’m still trying to kick you out. You’re bothering people. Mainly me.”

“C’mon, Tsukki, we’re just having some fun. You know how to have fun right?” Bokuto asked. The look he received had him hiding behind Akaashi yet again. “Akaashi, maybe we should leave. Tsukki seems pretty busy.”

“I believe I came here for Oikawa-san.” Akaashi looked towards Oikawa, silently asking him if it was okay for him to go.

“It’s fine. Go have fun with your new boyfriend.” Oikawa waved him off with a small smile.

“Thank you.” Akaashi nodded a goodbye to the three and lead Bokuto out by the hand.

“That still leaves me, and I’ve got a date to arrange.”

“Do you have Oikawa’s phone number?” Tsukishima asked.

“I don’t know, Tooru. Do I?”

“You text me, like, three times a week pretending it’s not you. So I’m going to say yes.”

“Fine,” Kuroo sighed. He approached Oikawa’s bed and before anyone could react or stop him, he planted a deep kiss on Oikawa’s lips, which Oikawa was responding to until Tsukishima pulled Kuroo back by the collar.

“We do not provide conjugal visits.”

While Kuroo was upset that the best damn kiss he’d had in months had been interrupted, his initial intent hadn’t changed. He licked his lips with a smirk directed to Oikawa, “It was just a promise to see him on our date before you officially kick me out.”

“Remind me to never get you to promise me anything . . .” Tsukishima muttered, steering Kuroo out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to just say that the line "If Kuroo were any more of a fuckboi, he probably would have glared at Oikawa too for being difficult" was actually not written by me. Crysty called Kuroo a fuckboi. In a fic. I just needed to point that out, because it seems more in character for me to have done it. -Kate


End file.
